View Full Version : Most embarassing injury you've suffered.
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 09:29 AM
Mine happened in 10th grade when I worked at Chuck E. Cheese (as if working there wasn't embarassing enough). A bunch of us decided to go out drinking after work, so filled containers from the salad bar with beer and put them in my car. I went back upstairs to the store room to steal some cups and heard the manager's office door open.
I ran across the room and started down the stairs, taking them a couple at a time. I was too dumb to think that I could have told him I was actually doing work and taking the cups down to the bar. Instead, I just knew I was going to get busted for stealing cups AND beer.
Well, when I was about 6 stairs from the bottom, I decided to jump the rest of the way down. BAD idea. I hadn't noticed the overhang above the stairs and hit it at full speed. It was harder than any hit I'd gotten in four years of playing football. My head snapped back and I flew feet first the rest of the way down, landing on the last step...on my back.
I must have looked like gutter's avitar as I wandered into the restaurant. Being all bloody was bad enough, and telling everyone I did it by hitting the ceiling was worse. But finding out what happens when your dad drives your car fast with beer in a covered tupperware container was the worst part of all. The top flies off and beer goes everywhere! Not a good thing for a 16 year old.
At least by the time I was off of restriction, my 10 stitches were out.
slydevl
03-19-02, 09:35 AM
Holy shit thats funny.
I guess my most embarassing ocurred in about 9th grade. We had rigged a bucket of shit out in the woods to dump on one of our "friends" when a hidden accompliss cut a string. Everything was in place and I was removing a ladder from a tree. Well I lost control of the ladder and it fell over my head and behind me causing one of the rungs to knock three of my teeth out.
I guess the only positive is I landed a date with a transfer student from West Virginia before I had them fixed.
i've one the exact same thing. i got a concussion and split my head open though. i needed to get stitches.
one of my girlfriends and i would chase each other around the apartment all the time. we'd wrestle around because she was strong and could take a beating. :) she was bigger than me -- 6-foot-2.
i was running own the hallway, then went to jump down the stairs when she kicked me in the butt. i went flying into the overhang and landed on my back -- dead out of breath.
i remember holding my head and saying that i'd drive. i looked at the purple blood and recall it being warm on my hand. she drove.
ow.
Originally posted by slydevl
I guess the only positive is I landed a date with a transfer student from West Virginia before I had them fixed.
After ALL these years..... I find out....
Sly, I'm coming to find ya man for the way you treated sis. You broke her heart. It's been years and all she keeps talking about is that "big toothless fella" she met while "studying" in NC for that year. She's been worthless ever since she got back.
BearBryant
03-19-02, 09:42 AM
Originally posted by Captain Morgan
Well, when I was about 6 stairs from the bottom, I decided to jump the rest of the way down. BAD idea. I hadn't noticed the overhang above the stairs and hit it at full speed. It was harder than any hit I'd gotten in four years of playing football. My head snapped back and I flew feet first the rest of the way down, landing on the last step...on my back.
I did the same thing jumping off the top step on a school bus.
Took a line drive in the nuts in high school. Pissed blood for a week. This is why I'm not pitching on the softball team.
Oh yeah...dumb injury...
When I was 10, I rode my bike onto the carport where Dad had just finished grilling steaks. The grill top was CLOSED so it could cool off. As I got up on the carport and hurried to get off the bike, I lost my balance and started to fall. Naturally, I stuck my hand out to catch myself - only my hand landed on the grill top.
Fried hand anyone?
slydevl
03-19-02, 09:44 AM
Originally posted by kshead
She's been worthless ever since she got back.
No offense Kshead but she was worthless while she was here too.
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 09:45 AM
Originally posted by kshead
After ALL these years..... I find out....
Sly, I'm coming to find ya man for the way you treated sis.
kshead and Sly are brothers?
:roflmao:
That was funny as hell.
Edit: Thanks to whoever went out and found all the smileys. I just went through all of them looking for this little rolling guy.
hahahqhaahahaha, I can't believe I'm gonna tell this but with some of the stories on here, what the hell!!!
I used to work at CMC there in charlotte and I would park in the tower parking deck which, like all parking decks, was poorly lighted. So in order to protect myself better (ha!) I went to a store and got one of those keychain that have a little bottle of pepper spray attached to it (you know where this is headed, don't you?) so after many months of parking in said parking deck I happened to find myself alone on the roof of the deck after coming off my shift. I had never used my bottle of pepper sparay ever and I guess I just wanted to see if it worked so I sprayed it, away from my face people, I'm not that dumb!
well, it must have been almost empty cause it didn't have enought mmmph left to get a good spray off, what happened was it all flowed down the bottle and onto my hand. well, I wiped it off and preceded on my way home where i undressed and went to bed..............
about 2 hours after I went to bed I woke up in pain, DOWN THERE!!! and my left hand felt like it was on fire!!!!
apparently some time while I was sleeping,I had scratched? myself down there and gotten, you guessed it, pepper spray all over down there. I was literally crying. my left hand and cootchie were on fire!!!!!!!
So, I sucked it up and called the posion control center, a very nice lady told me that I should soak a washcloth in milk and put it between my legs and it would counter the effect of the hot pepper spray, as well I was told to put my hand in a bowl of milk and it would do likewise......
:( :( :(
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 09:51 AM
So now we know celyn is a lefty.
boo-urns
03-19-02, 09:56 AM
back in my sophomore year of college....we went to a bar on Thursday night. I picked the wrong girl to dance with. her boyfriend showed up and saw us dancing. I didn't even see the guy...he sucker punched me right in the side of my nose thus breaking my nose. blood was everywhere. my buddies took me to the hospital. there was nothing they could do. it is true, if you break your nose you will get not one but two black eyes. for the next two weeks I was raccoon face...sunglasses at night, etc. didn't even go to class.
luckily someone got his plate number as he sped off...i made a police report...they arrested him...he admitted to it in his statement to police. I then had to go to the DA's office and sign that I wanted charges...they charged him with assault and batterey. he fought the charges, even had a jury trial. in the end he was convicted and had to spend two weeks in the klink....which made me happy.
Damn, I want to know what pepper spray feels like, but not down there. When I was 9, I was holding a piece of food that my pet Akita wanted. Apparently, I wasn't quick enough in giving it up, cause the bitch bit my nutsack. Try going to the doctor when you're 9 with a little bleeding hole in your nutsack...
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 09:59 AM
Sadic, it could be worse. Try being 29 and explaining the dog bite marks and peanut butter on your penis like Sly had to.
Let's see, when I was about 8 I put a pepsi in the freezer to make it icy. But I forgot about it and it froze solid. So, I put it in the microwave to thaw it out. It didn't explode but the lid was hot. So, when I took a sip in burned my lip to the can basically. That's pretty stoopid.
But wait there's more. When I was in high skool I was lifting weights one day. I was doing a leg press thingy and was sliding a 45 lb weight on top of another. I let it go and it dropped about 3 inches and caught the head of my penis. I freaked. It just pinched it a little but I saw my entire life flash before my eyes.
Oh yeah, I once split that little flap of skin under your tongue after a whole weekend with my new girlfriend. You figure it out.:cool:
BearBryant
03-19-02, 10:31 AM
Originally posted by gutter
.
Oh yeah, I once split that little flap of skin under your tongue after a whole weekend with my new girlfriend. You figure it out.:cool:
You should stay away from those needle dick she males.
mathmajors
03-19-02, 10:36 AM
Well, I was trying to lick my elbow one time.................
The Masked Marauder
03-19-02, 10:47 AM
I don't think anyone will top celyn's story :) but here's mine:
My wife and our kids were at her parents celebrating her brother's 25th birthday. Both of her brothers, myself, and my 4 year old daughter we playing frisbee in the back yard. The frisbees kept flying over the 4 foot chain link fence around my in-laws yard and landing in their neighbors yard. When it happend on my side, I would ran and jump over the fence to reitrieve it. Well, after about 10 occurances, I was just to tired to jump over the fence anymore. I lifted my daughter over the fence and told her to fet the frisbee. She said it was in the neighbors muddy garden, so I figured it'd be easier if I just hopped the fence and get it myself instead of risking damage to the garden and/or a mud bath for my little girl. I grabbed the fence with both hands, hopped, and threw my feet over... almost. The left one didn't quite make it and I went headfirst towards the ground. I did what anyone would naturally do... put both arms out to keep from doing a faceplant in the yard. Unfortunately, the ground on the other side of the fence sloped severly, which caused my left arm to catch the full weight of my 230 lbs. It's quite a sight to see your forearm bend 45 degrees in the middle like you had an extra elbow. Thankfully, it was not a compund fracture, but the damage was done. We rushed to the ER, where I got whacked up on some really good pain killers, sent 5 hours in surgery, which included having to get a bone graft from my hip as well as two metal plates and 8 screws just to fix my arm. I spent four days in the hospital and missed three weeks worth of work... all to retrieve a frisbee. Once I got back to work, I was the subject of endless Superman jokes... The hardware is still in the arm, BTW.
boo-urns
03-19-02, 11:20 AM
Originally posted by The Masked Marauder
I don't think anyone will top celyn's story :) but here's mine:
The hardware is still in the arm, BTW.
you may want to consider getting the hardware removed...if you are ever in a car accident or something like that that would cause another break....the metal will bend and your bone will still break...the screws may or not hold and could cause more fractures. it is about 10 times worse than what you did before.
HPCatFan
03-19-02, 11:23 AM
Not a serious injury, but very embarassing. I had a roomate in college, his girlfriend was over, and we were pretty casual about dressing, etc. around each other. Anyway, as I was getting dressed once, I was doing some little dance thing (don't ask why) as I was putting my jeans on, facing her thru my open bedroom door. As I zipped up with authority at the finale, I caught the tip of my dick in the zipper. I screamed really really loudly. She laughed really really loudly. For a long time too. :o
The Masked Marauder
03-19-02, 11:25 AM
boo-urns - at the time, my doc said it was optional. If it started bothering me, then he'd take it out. I see what you mean about future injuries, it's just that the original break was the only time in my life I've ever had surgery and I'm not in a hurry to go through that again :(
boo-urns
03-19-02, 11:31 AM
not my injury...my brother's. he was a crossing gaurd in the sixth grade. for those who don't know...elementary schools had students wear reflective vests and put them on street corners. their job was to keep kids from walking into traffic. anyways, it was middle of winter in michigan and the corner my brother was on had a stop sign. he decided to try it...he placed his tongue on the freezing cold sign pole. sure enough he was stuck there. about 20 minutes later (with a growing crowd watching) a teacher poured warm water on the tongue and pole to try to get it free. no luck. the ems team showed up...they numbed his tongue and pulled him away leaving a layer of his tongue on the sign pole. he had nothing but milk shakes and ice cream for the next 10 days or so.
Originally posted by boo-urns
not my injury...my brother's. he was a crossing gaurd in the sixth grade. for those who don't know...elementary schools had students wear reflective vests and put them on street corners. their job was to keep kids from walking into traffic. anyways, it was middle of winter in michigan and the corner my brother was on had a stop sign. he decided to try it...he placed his tongue on the freezing cold sign pole. sure enough he was stuck there. about 20 minutes later (with a growing crowd watching) a teacher poured warm water on the tongue and pole to try to get it free. no luck. the ems team showed up...they numbed his tongue and pulled him away leaving a layer of his tongue on the sign pole. he had nothing but milk shakes and ice cream for the next 10 days or so. :roflmao: :roflmao: :rofl: :rofl:
I always wondered if that were true!!!!
The Masked Marauder
03-19-02, 11:41 AM
Ouch! :eek:
this would have topped all if celyn hadn't had to call poison control about her "coochie." In sixth grade, i was in career lab class. Well, it was game day, and it was my turn to retrieve golf balls after someone putted. Well, that game was going on in the corner, so basically all i had to do was stop the ball. So here i am, laying on my stomach with my chin in my hands and elbows holding me up. I sneeze, and got this all too familiar sharp pain through my shoulder. Yes, i had dislocated my shoulder sneezing. It was the third time in less than a year i had dislocated that shoulder. And, the pain was so bad that i had to get a teacher to carry me because it was a very long walk to the office. Man, that sucked.
This isn't as bad, but it's pretty dumb. Also, during my sixth grade year, a few friends of mine decided to play baseball, but with a basketball instead. I got the high lob, swung, (for those of you who don't know, there's a nice recoil when a bat hits a basketball) and the bat comes back and nails me in the eye. Knocked me out, and i had a huge swollen eye for about 3 days. No black eye though.
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 11:49 AM
Originally posted by WYDD
I got the high lob, swung, (for those of you who don't know, there's a nice recoil when a bat hits a basketball) and the bat comes back and nails me in the eye...
I've done that too. LOL.
Originally posted by HPCatFan
As I zipped up with authority at the finale, I caught the tip of my dick in the zipper. I screamed really really loudly.
"Franks and Beans!" Franks and Beans!"
:lol2:
Sportsgirl
03-19-02, 01:19 PM
LOL @ Celyn. I haven't laughed so hard in days.:lol2:
Well, I don't have an embarrassing injury, but I have plenty of stories from my days working in the radiology department. One of the funniest was this guy who came in through the ER needing some abdominal x-rays for a lost vibrator. He had shoved it up so far that it got stuck up his rectum and he couldn't get it out. Get this - he waited for the batteries to run out before asking his dad to bring him to the hospital. We all looked at his x-ray and burst out laughing. Even the doctor couldn't keep from laughing.
One time when I was working in the ER, this really cheerful gentleman came in to get his stitches removed. I was kind of wondering where he was cut because he looked fine on the outside - I didn't see any bandages. I told him to have a seat, and then I got his chart. The doctor who had treated him previously had drawn a big cartoonish penis and testicles in the middle of the chart with a big X over one of the testicles, where the stitches were. Apparently the man had cut himself shaving. The nurses and I fell out laughing. I had to get one of them to tell the man he could leave after his stitches were removed because I couldn't stop laughing.
McFly41
03-19-02, 01:57 PM
I had a big softball tourney one weekend about 10 years ago and my thighs and Hammy's were real tight from lifting. So I grabbed the Cremejesic (sp?)and put it on my Hammy's and Thighs.
However, I went a little to high on the thigh and the Screamin Jesus (as I call it now) found it's way to my sack. Talk about GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!
Learned a lesson in the sixth grade too. NEVER catch without a mask! Coach was talking to me during practice and our fireballer let one rip. He yelled my name just in time for me to square up so the ball would hit me right in the center of the forehead where the nose meets. I was out for a couple of minutes...class pics were three days later. I looked like I fought Tyson, Ali, and Marciano all in the same day!
Superfluous_Nut
03-19-02, 02:07 PM
Oh yeah, I've had a little icy hot find it's way to the nether regions... not good.
Not exactly embarrasing, but really, really stupid. I used to be a pyromaniac as a child. I'd burn everything in site. Just loved it. Anyway, me and my friend had this little thing we'd do where we'd put lighter fluid on the bottoms of our shoes and light it. We'd shake it around then stomp on the ground to put it out. One day, I did this and my nikes went up in flames (damned nylon shoes). My pantleg vented the heat right up my leg and toasted my calf pretty nicely. 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Still have a wicked scar today.
meatpile
03-19-02, 02:11 PM
I friend and I converted one of those scuttles at the top of the closet into large attic acces with fixed stairs.
I used to go up there and smoke and what not, which pissed the wife off b/c it made the whole house smell like cigars. So I began lying about doing it.
So one day after I finished smoking, I start down the stairs, and right as I'm closing the hatch, i lose footing. I fell, but my arm gets caught in the hatch and I hang there when it shut. I got footing back, looked up and the hatch was completely shut - for a minute I thought I'd severed my arm, but it just got mashed so tight the hatch closed flush. There was pieces of arm and hair and blood.
So I'm at the ER, and I've got a footlong hunk of arm hanging from my wrist, but somehow it didn't break a bone. Before the x-ray, I joked with the ER doc that I'd never broken a bone. He was sure I'd crushed it.
Afterwards, he caught as I left and smiled and said, 'the streak lives!'
I still have a tongue and groove scar on my wrist.
slydevl
03-19-02, 02:11 PM
That reminds me of a bottle rocket war we had one time Soup Nut. This one guy had a gross of bottle rockets shoved in a pocket of his camos. You guessed it, a lucky shot later and the whole thing went up. We have never laughed so hard watching him run around and pulling them out and trying to beat his leg out. He had a serious burn and there is still a huge scar. He told his mom a motorcycle fell on his leg an the muffler did it.
Hey nut, I was a bit of a pyro myself. I would fill a milk jug up with gas and light stuff on fire. Then, when it was empty I would light the inside on fire and step on it. It would make a giant fireball. Needless to say there were times I had no hair on my legs.
meatpile
03-19-02, 02:23 PM
One time we'd been making pipe bombs, which is so fun it's illegal, and then we ran out of fuses before we ran out of black powder.
I decided that the fun had to continue, so I just lit a large pile of the black powder with a bic lighter. Burnt my hand, face, and all the hair on my face and in my nostrils.
Another time - this one is embarrassing - I was all kinda fucked up and riding on the handlebars of a bike. Some lady gave me shit, so i flipped her off and yelled at her, and at that very moment i fell off of the bike flat on my face, and then the bike ran over me. Still got scars, needless to say the lady didn't stop to help.
slydevl
03-19-02, 02:28 PM
One time....at band camp.....
Oh nevermind....
McFly41
03-19-02, 02:34 PM
Jeez, Meat! You sound like a living scar?
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 02:42 PM
So my neighbor and I had a paper route together in the 7th grade. Each day, we'd have a contest to see who could "porch" the most papers. Well, I threw a perfect one from the street--I wasn't one of those ride on the sidewalk pussies--that was curving perfectly toward the front porch. As Matt and I watched the evening edition of the Buena Park News sail, all of a sudden I heard a loud SMASH followed closely by a THUD.
He'd run his bike into the back of a parked Chevy Nova. Unfortunately, when it stopped, he didn't. He flew over the handlebars and did a face plant into the trunk lid. No serious injuries, just a cut lip and some bruises. But damn, do we still laugh about that when I go out there for a visit.
flyfisher
03-19-02, 02:50 PM
I had to set up and work a trade show in Charlotte the day after my vasectomy. Finished setting the booth up and was putting the boxes into the back off the pick-up and jumped from the loading dock. After the show that afternoon, it took ALOT of Absolute to straighten me upright. Skipped the show next day and sat on the couch with ice and cold beer to reduce the swelling. Didn't go to the doctor to spare myself of the humiliation. Now you all know.
McFly41
03-19-02, 02:57 PM
You just opened up a whole new can of McFly Stupidity, Morgan.
I had forgotten all me biking incidents, thanks alot (where's my therapist number).
I was ripping through town on my 10-speed as usual, when this lady suddenly backed out from the other side of a big truck. I had no time to react. I hit the bumper so hard the rim bent all the way to the front fork. I flew at least 20 feet in the air and skidded another ten on the asphalt. Not sure how fast I would have been going, but I had down hill speed by that point.
Then anothertime I was trying to do wheel stands using the front break...not smart! I was picking sand and gravel out of my forehead for an hour.
I'll stop on this one. We had this kid that pooped his pants in gradeschool that we nicknamed Tater, cuz he tatered in his pants. I was riding home from the store with no hands (milk in one hand, grocery bag in the other...dumb enough in and of itself) when I see Ray in his front yard picking up sticks. So I yell, "get to work Tater".
Ray wasn't what you would call slow and I didn't even see him coming...he shoved a big stick in the spokes of the back wheel. The gallon of milk burst on impact, groceries every where...then to make matters worse, he gave me an unmerciful beating.
God I haven't thought about that stuff in years. Thanks again, Morgan, damn it! :notooth:
i've dont the bike-into-unsuspecting-parked-car thing. and i've blasted bottlerockets out of pvc pipe and went with roman candles when that got dull. i've broken both bones of my arm in a fight (it looked as if i had two elbows on one arm, the way it hung where it broke). i thought i blew my ear off when an m80 went off as i was throwing it. we almost burned down the forest across the street starting fires (yes, firetrucks did come out, but we squelched it before spreading too bad -- a great leadership moment -- and found a box turtle on the way home that we named smokey). i've done all that crap.
Puttingood
03-19-02, 03:00 PM
Mine wasn't an accident but like flys--a vascetomy back when they were a hospital stay. I had to go to the lab at the hospital to give them a sample after 30 days. They had never really handled anything like that and gave me a dixie cup. I told them I would take it home and they said it had to be fresh. Then told me to go in the bathroom. There was people coming and going so I opted to go over to the Esso station across the street where the bathroom had a lock. Wasn't no one in the front when I went in but there were plenty of regulars standing there when I came out with the dixie cup in my hand. I had to weave my way through them talking without spilling the cup. I often wondered what they would have done if I had dropped that cup in the floor.:)
Originally posted by McFly41
We had this kid that pooped his pants in gradeschool that we nicknamed Tater, cuz he tatered in his pants.
another one-liner classic
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 03:17 PM
LOL...sorry McFly. But, that reminded me of a bunch!
My family used to ride ATC's (3 wheelers) out in the Southern California desert often. Being the good son that I am, I traded front tires with my mom's cuz mine was worn out. Well, I forgot to replace the cotter pin on hers. Of course, the front tire came off, the forks dug into the sand, she was pitched in front of the bike, and it flipped over on top of her. All I could see when I turned around was an upside down ATC with arms and legs flailaing from underneath it. Needless to say, she was PISSED! The harder we laughed, the more pissed she got.
We used to tie an inner-tube to the back of the ATCs and drag kids around on the sand. One time I got the bright idea that if we tied the tube to 2 ATCs, we could go twice as fast. Makes sense, right? So, my cousin and I each tied a rope to our ATCs and the other end to the tube. All was fine for the first few minutes, but we should have come up with signals for turning. I turned left...he turned right. We were probably doing about 25mph when the ropes tightened. The kids on the tube flew about 10 feet in the air, and my cousin and I were each sent sprawling head over heels over the handlebars of our bikes.
McFly41
03-19-02, 03:35 PM
Damn it, Morgan. You did it again! I am not trying to better anybodies stories or anything, but these keep coming back to me.
A bunch of us were riding 3-wheelers in the creek beds on my buddys farm and just having a great time. I didn't know the layout as well as I should and drove bare chested and drenched into an electric fence...right across the nipples! I was going real slow waiting for one of the guys to catch up and basically froze when I hit it.
Looked like conect the dots, the line was perfect from nipple to nipple!
Then we used to bumper ski behind snowmobiles, well we only did it once. I laid down on the ground and grabbed the rear handle and off we went. We had been doing this for hours and it was hella fun, until I hit a tree stump burried in the snow.
If not for my extremely thick winter coat, I likely would have lost use of some limbs. Luckily I walked away with just some scrapes and my ass hanging out.:help:
and THAT reminded me of when we got an old ski rope with a handlebar and tied it to the back of my friend jose's moped and rode around the neighborhood riding on a skateoard.
turning was difficult and he made a 90-degree left and i went 45 degrees -- straight into the curb (where the skateboard suddenly stopped) and i went flying into the shrubbery.
way fun.
course, i'd have to ground my son for a month if i ever saw him doing that. i hope i never find out about a lot of the stuff he's going to do.
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 03:54 PM
...bare chested and drenched into an electric fence...right across the nipples!
Keep talking like that and builder is going to be making a trip to Iowa.
McFly41
03-19-02, 03:58 PM
It would be a disappointing trip, me arse is exit only.
HPCatFan
03-19-02, 04:04 PM
Originally posted by LarryD
course, i'd have to ground my son for a month if i ever saw him doing that. i hope i never find out about a lot of the stuff he's going to do.
I've become convinced, since becoming a parent, that our parents weren't as dumb as we thought. Remember how you thought you got away with something when you were a kid, something you can't believe your folks didn't pick up on? Me too, but now I think they may have just been ignoring it, acting like they didn't see it/smell it/find it so that they didn't have to face what we were doing.
gridfaniker
03-19-02, 05:16 PM
I was screwing Mary Ellen Harkenrider, the only girl I’ve ever done "top shelf." Her folks were out to dinner and we were at her place. She was on all fours and I’m hammering away to beat the band, and on one particularly powerful downstroke, my whole package – balls and all – goes into this girl’s ass. Well, needless to say, it’s stuck: to try and pull the boys out would surely have torn my boltbag clean off. She’s reaching back with both hands, trying to pull her asshole open wide enough so I can get the hell out of there. All the while, I’m holding on for dear life. Well nothing’s working and then we hear footsteps coming up the front steps. Talk about embarrassment. But the old man was pretty cool about it. He went into the basement and fetched an old caulking gun, filled it with petroleum jelly and dumped a couple shots in old Mary Ellen’s butt. That greased her sphincter up enough where I could kind ease on outta there. I went home and treated my sore unit with a hopthacky kizzazz compress and vowed never again to do a chick in the ass.
glad you are still hanging with us grid.
Reading grid's post should Reb up a little..............
I wonder who pm'd him?:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
WASN"T ME!!!!:D
McFly41
03-19-02, 05:26 PM
Grid, you are perverted, twisted and sick!
Three qualities I admire in a person, good show ole chap!
with all apologies to sly, cap'n and dukey -- nobody makes me toss my cheerios like grid.
***semi-graphic, but somewhat humorous (now) content below ***
have you ever accidentally gone top-shelf? i did once. i'd never heard that scream before and never want to. i shriveled back up inside, threw on the ligts, expecting to see a bloody mess. i didnt know i went top shelf, i just knew were going at it pretty good and thought that i -- in all my manliness -- must have just been too much man for her. alas, i wasn't man enough, slipped out, and slipped in the out door -- unlubricated. hence, the wang-shivelling yell. scared the life out of me. after she calmed down and caught her breath, she explained to me what happened. needless to say, it was many moons before that was "legally" tried.
*** end bad stuff ***
QueenCityHillbilly
03-19-02, 07:15 PM
Classic Thread
Mine was more of a condition that I found out about after an injury:
In 8th grade I noticed that my testicles began aching in an irregular fashion. I thought it was blue balls, but then I realized I was in the 8th grade. So while playing football, I got kneed in the rokers and had a huge ache. I went to the doctor and it turned out that my balls were'nt like normal testicles. They were not attached to my ballsac. So basically, at all times, my nads were beating the hell out of each other and twisting. Still pains me today. Following surgery, I'm happy to report that my load blowing capability is back up to it's full potential.
gridfaniker !!:D
...or the time I got nailed by a line drive while pitching, or the time I dislocated my toe sliding into second and the bag was one of those on a metal plates with a pole in the ground.
Or the time I put a chain saw into my leg (long story) or the time me and Tim and another guy went to the beer store in Boulder Colorado. We were already shit faced and when we came out I closed the passenger door on my thumb. Still have a split thumb nail to this day.
or the time I stepped between two floor joists and missed catching a joist and saving myself with my face. Or pissing on an electric fence.
and on and on and on. no wonder I feel like shit.
Originally posted by QueenCityHillbilly
Classic Thread
Mine was more of a condition that I found out about after an injury:
In 8th grade I noticed that my testicles began aching in an irregular fashion. I thought it was blue balls, but then I realized I was in the 8th grade. So while playing football, I got kneed in the rokers and had a huge ache. I went to the doctor and it turned out that my balls were'nt like normal testicles. They were not attached to my ballsac. So basically, at all times, my nads were beating the hell out of each other and twisting. Still pains me today. Following surgery, I'm happy to report that my load blowing capability is back up to it's full potential.
Wow. An actual case of a twisted nut sack. Here. On this board. I'd heard of such things but found them to be as rare as a sighting of Bigfoot or the Lochness monster. Either that or somebody's doing some lyin out there.
Captain Morgan
03-19-02, 08:13 PM
:D :D
Grid - welcome back! I bow before thee. Not the way Fred would bow before thee, but still.
SilverSurfer
03-19-02, 08:21 PM
Mine was trying to impress a bunch of women. There was about 6 of us up at Brown Mountain one night in my late teens. We ran into some cuties in an old Dance Hall type thing and got a few of em to come out and drink some beer with us. Some of the local guys who were a little jealous started daring us to jump in the river which was right beside where we were camping. It wasn't that cold outside but the water was freezing. I thought I'd look really cool, so I asked them where they wanted me to jump from. There was a pretty big pool with a rock hanging over it about 10 feet away.
They said - "Go dive off that rock Pussy Boy!" So I went over there, took off my shirt - and dove - right into about 10 inches of water. Smashed my face, bloodied my nose, sharp rocks cut me all over my body. I was knocked out for a few minutes, if somebody hadn't turned me over I probably would have drowned.
Damn that water looked deep.
I still remember those Hillbillies laughing when I woke up. :(
gridfaniker
03-19-02, 10:42 PM
Originally posted by SilverSurfer
There was about 6 of us up at Brown Mountain one night ...
Isn't that where fred lives?
No, you're thinking of Brown valley.
Silver, that's a good reason to hate rednecks.
I've been to brown mtn. Had sex up on Wisemans View......but never once did I see fred there:D :D :D
mramailman
03-19-02, 11:11 PM
Mine's too freaking long to post... let's just say I got run over by my own car 3 times in Wal-Mart parking lot after work. Very embarassing.... it was on the radio on the way home from the ER.
Life was a bitch at work for quite awhile after that.
Originally posted by mramailman
let's just say I got run over by my own car 3 times in Wal-Mart parking lot after work
hahahaha, now thats funny, i can say this cause obviously you're ok...is this where the first knee injury came from?:D :D
once I was working on a car bent over the engine compartment with my dick touching the fender, and a bolt of lightening hit about 50 ' away. I got a zing and wandered around with a hard on for about 4 hours hurt like hell afterward.
mramailman
03-19-02, 11:26 PM
Originally posted by celyn
...is this where the first knee injury came from?:D :D
nope I hurt the knee playing B-ball.... I was 22 the Mustang incident happened when I was 19. :)
Quick update on the knee..... went for MRI tonight.... get results and meet the surgeon on Thursday and have surgery on Monday..... I can't wait. :)
well keep us updated on whats wrong with it! and you're gonna be in R&R withdrawal by the time your surgeries over, it won't be a pretty sight, just ask builder how he's coping:D :D :D
Originally posted by mramailman
Quick update on the knee..... went for MRI tonight.... get results and meet the surgeon on Thursday and have surgery on Monday..... I can't wait. :)
keep us updated.
SilverSurfer
03-20-02, 07:25 AM
Originally posted by magnus ver magnusson
No, you're thinking of Brown valley.
Silver, that's a good reason to hate rednecks.
Hey!! I resemble that remark !!:mad:
Originally posted by mramailman
Mine's too freaking long to post... let's just say I got run over by my own car 3 times in Wal-Mart parking lot after work. Very embarassing.... it was on the radio on the way home from the ER.
bull crap. tell the story. i want to laugh today. a lot.
BearBryant
03-20-02, 09:39 AM
Originally posted by mramailman
Mine's too freaking long to post... let's just say I got run over by my own car 3 times in Wal-Mart parking lot after work. Very embarassing.... it was on the radio on the way home from the ER.
Life was a bitch at work for quite awhile after that.
"I ain't never seen nobody shit all stupid as you. You must have shit for brains boy." <- anyone know what movie?
May of 1998 I was walking with my mother around her yard. Some sections of fence had fallen or come lose so I grabbed a hammer and as we walked I would stop and put them back up or just nail them in snug. Well, one particular section had previously just been pushed in and it had bent the nail flat. The other three corners were still attached so I pulled this one corner out to bend the nail back straight so I could nail it back to the post.
I couldn't fit the hammer into the space between the post and the fence so I just hooked the claw of the hammer over the nail and pulled the hammer towards me. Bad move. The claw slipped off and the hammer came flying at my head.
I woke up laying on the ground, my skull still ringing, my hand over my forehead which now had a huge lump on it and something wet and sticky running down the side of my face.
My mother is standing over me shaking, scared to death. This is the same woman that was fearless when I was young. (Raising three boys what do you expect?)
We went inside and couldn't get the gash closed properly so Mailman took me to the ER for stitches. I'm groggy as hell so when the nurses ask me how I got injured I told them the truth. After about two minutes of laughing they finished fixing me up.
Although I'm embarassed by the episode, it's nice sitting here thinking about it. Momma's cancer free now but can't really walk around the yard like that anymore. I'd knocked my head off just to be able to walk around the yard talking with her like that again.
hasbeens99
09-05-02, 03:47 PM
Five years ago, I was the warehouse safety officer for a Carquest distribution center in Fresno, CA. There was an office area in one corner of the warehouse with bathrooms upstairs over the office. The office ceiling was finished on the inside, but open beams on top. I told the warehouse manager it was a safety hazard--someone might fall through.
Then I sold him on the idea that if we sheeted the area over with 1/2" plywood, we could use it for light storage. He was all over that, and told me to make it happen. Being the helpful employee I was, I told him I used to work on a construction crew and could do it myself. He said, "great", an we set it up for the next Saturday.
I got all the stuff I needed up the stairs that morning, and began measuring. I got the first sheet cut and down on the ceiling joists, and knelt on it to measure the next sheet.
Apparently, I neglected to nail the first sheet down first.
The sheet I was kneeling on slipped when I adjusted to get another measurement, and with a great thunderous crash, both sheets and I went between the boards and through the ceiling into the office below. The drop for me, the plywood, sheetrock, and insulation was 9 feet. I managed to avoid the desk and land between two filing cabinets.
There was no one in the offices, and the lights were all off. I took a couple of seconds to 'take inventory', waiting to see if something was going to hurt if I moved, but I felt all right amidst a large adrenaline rush. I got up and told the manager on duty what had happened, and he said he didn't even hear it. At first, he didn't even believe me, until I showed him the palms of my hands. Apparently I subconsciously tried to grab the ceiling joists on the way down, but my 285 lb. butt was too much for my grip, and I left the top 1/2" of both palms on the boards.
Here's my only moment of pride for the whole fiasco. I bandaged my hands, grabbed my tape measure and hammer, and went back up the stairs. I actually finished the job.
Before I finished, though, my left ankle started throbbing. So I cinched up the laces on my hikers until I was done. After I finished, I told the manager I'd better go have it checked out. The Workman's Comp doc told me I hyperextended three ligaments in that ankle, and sent me out on crutches.
Here's the funny part...
I had to go back to the office, and being the SAFETY OFFICER, I had to fill out my own accident report. The report had to be filled out in triplicate, with one copy for our warehouse manager, one copy to our insurance carrier, and one to our corporate office in Bakersfield.
Monday morning was interesting, to say the least. :D
Well, what the hell. This happened kind of recent. I'm in bed with my wife and I wake up about 4 in the morning with some really bad gas / abdomen pains. It's so bad I double over on the bed. Than pain passes and I head to the bathroom off our master bedroom. Well, I get comfortable on the john when another rolling wave of serious pain hits my intestines. It passes. I don't really feel like I have to go the the bathroom when the 3rd pain hits. It's 10 times worse than the first two. I feel I may also vomit so I grab our empty plastic white trashcan and bend over and put my head over it in case I blow chunks . I'm holding my head, gritting my teeth, praying to God to make it stop when I pass out. As I'm out like a light on the bathroom floor my wife continues the story. She says that our Alaskan Mal, Akira starts going crazy at the bathroom door about the same time she hears a thud from the bathroom. I've wedged the bathroom door shut with my body from the fall. She pushs it open to find me lying on the floor with one leg in the trashcan. (how that happened is still a puzzle) I'm out for like 5 or 10 seconds and I come to. I finish my time on the john and she insists we go to the emergency room. Turns out I'm ok but they give me a tetnious (sp) shot in the arm which was sore as hell for two days. To make matters worse I have a full blown epic fear of needles but I was a champ. For the first time in a long time I didn't pass out when getting a shot. Now for the injury report.
My bathroom toilet sits so that when you're on it the doorway is right in front of you and the tub is to the right. I had the door closed and a bath towel was hanging on the back of the door. So we figured that when I passed out I faceplated into the back of the door, slid down the towel and hit the floor.
Huge knot on forehead
Rugburn abrasian on knot when I slid down bathtowl.
Pulled muscle in left side of neck where I faceplated into the door.
Very sore arm from tetnious shot.
Very hurt pride from passing out on the shitter.
bunkyboy
09-27-02, 05:00 PM
sorry dude, that's some funny shit.
johndeerebrave
01-03-03, 02:44 AM
Second grade, I touched the bottom of our lawnmower, and burnt my hand.
Village Idiot
01-13-03, 10:42 PM
FAN01...thats a classic. :)
Honeygirl
05-28-03, 04:42 AM
I did this the other week at work - it was truly one of those - `how the hell did this happen'? moments. Right - I'm sitting on the loo in the office toilets - and in this particular cubical, there's a wee sink in there as well. I'm tinkling away and go to grab some paper (the things I share with you people - honestly :rolleyes: ). Anyway - a bit drops on the floor, and without thinking - I whizz down to pick it up - smashing my head on the porcelain sink. I nearly blanked out for a second - but recovered. I actually had a whopping great lump on my forehead for a bit - one which was a bit embarrassing to explain :(.
jazzbluescat
05-28-03, 07:56 AM
I'm not making this up, nor trolling, per se; but I once screwed a speed freak so much that my peter was raw for two days.
One night I was on a hayride and sitting on the rail of the trailer. People were jumping off, running around and jumping back on. So this big goofy oaf named Ed comes barrelling towards the trailer and jumps on at full speed. I turned my head just in time for his head to collide with mine, knocking my head into the head of the guy to my left.
My eyebrow was busted open, and I felt really forgetful and confused for the rest of the night. The eyebrow never grew back. So this was in 1991, and people thought I shaved my eyebrow on purpose to look like Vanilla Ice. It didn't help I had a hairdo simliar to the Ice Man's.
Today, my eyebrow is still scarred. Occasionally I get compliments from chicks who think it's cute.
I was playing frisbee in the parkingl ot of some apartments. Somebody threw me one of those that goes high then just kind of drifts down. I was running to catch it and of course watching it when somebody all of a sudden moved and parked a station wagon in my path. I nailed it by the back window with my chin and just kind of slid down it.
One of the guys that I was throwing frisbee with came over to make sure that I was alright as I was standing back up and told me that I should go in the house because I was bleeding. I had hit so hard that my chin was numb and I couldn't feel the blood. Refused to believe him until he touched my chin with his finger and brought it away dripping with blood.
Of to the emergency room I go for ten stitches.
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