Mark, do teeth whitening tooth pastes really work??

[WYDD]

I've been wondering. I'd like to have super white teeth, but not pay for an expensive bleaching. A little help please.

[BigMark]

I find they are particularly effective when you gargle with Clorox just after brushing. It leaves a nice "tingly" feeling in your mouth, and as soon as you wipe away the blood, your teeth are amazingly white.

The whitening gum, however, is shit.

[WYDD]

thanks for answering my question, and suggesting something at the same time. I look forward to asking you more questions in the future.

[BigMark]

Here at TBR Q&S we do what we can to help improve our posters' oral hygene as best we can.

[WYDD]

oh, it ain't just about oral hygeine biggun!!! I imagine you could turn this into a "dear abby" type forum. I think you could take over this whole board. But don't tell larry i said that. Just remember the little people when you become famous.

[BigMark]

I'm here, waiting to help in all I can. If I don't know it, I'll make it up.

[Puttingood]

Dear Mark
I have been having certain "urges" when I see women in the automotive department of WalMart.
Am I normal ? Are there others such as I. Do you know of any clubs or support groups that I could join ?
Thank you, Puttingood

[BigMark]

At WALMART!?!?!?!?!?!?! Putt, this is not normal. In the world of sick fettishes, this is the one that is so dark and evil, it has never been mentioned before in the daylight. There are no support groups, and only one treatment. Run, don't walk, to you're nearest healt care provider and demand the Clockwork Orange Special. They will show you movies of gnag rapes and Nazis and WalMart Auto Techs until you are no longer able to have these "urges" without becoming physically ill. They only other noble option is death and burial in a little blue shmock.

[WYDD]

Are you more reliable than the magic 8-ball?

[BigMark]

Sources point to yes

[mramailman]

lol..... good shit there mark... all you need now is a 1-800 #

[BigMark]

I do what I can. Keep em coming. This is fun.

[WYDD]

Biggun, what would happen if i starting taking my girlfriends birth control pills?

[BigMark]

Well, I wasn't certain on this one, so I had to do some research. I knew you were gonna ask, so I started taking them about 3 months ago (the recommended time it takes them to really get kickin is 90 days). So far I've just noticed I get really teary eyed and short tempered for about 4 days a month, and I've lost most of my ability to think logically. I would go back to the doctor for treatment, but I scare the hell out of myself whenever I get behind the wheel of my truck. I have a burning desire to get cow-print seat covers for it, and wear shirts that don't cover my belly and pants that are 3 sizes to small. The worst side effect is that all women have become less attractive to me... all women except oddley enough, Kakia.

I think I've done enough research. I need some pron.

[WYDD]

biggun, why do some peoples flatulence smell worse than others?

[lex]

could be the beer and hard boiled eggs...but i wouldnt know for certain. i think another research might be in order. :D

your call, mark.

[wossa]

I guess the answer man is out there consuming beer and hard boiled eggs to test your theory lex.

and The Survey SAYS!!.....??

[mramailman]

Mark is it warmer in the summer than it is in the country?

Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?

[lex]

wossa: you've bee away. that is not my theory. i refer you to pantherpaul's thread "fart something or other.." in rant and rave. cant miss it....you can smell it.... :)

mark: why don't we have a "jokes forum"? i have a joke i want to post. :(

[WYDD]

the man is obviously watching pron. I SUGGEST you read his last post. Now to my question.


Are we there yet?

[lex]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.

So he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name, and the frog replies that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that making the loan's OK since he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this." He produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?".

The bank manager looks at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

:D

[mramailman]

What's pron?


Well let's see.... bad elevator music, cheesy story lines and lots and lots of flesh...... you got it? ;)

[lex]

oh. that was a typo? twice? what? really? is that the hip term now? :eek:

[mramailman]

That's what everyone here calls it..... someone mispelled it on the first R&R board and it has stuck.

[BigMark]

Damn, I can't leave you kids along for a single second!!!

WYDD: Some people's fart smell worse for one simple reason. If everyone's ass smelt as foul as Putts, the human race would cease to exist. Plus, you gotta figure with all that flushing and such, Fred's farts smell somewhat like either lemons or pine.

Mr. Mailman: It is always warmer in the summer than it is in the country. That's a stupid question, everyone knows that. And why would I walk to school when I could just get lunch in the cafeteria.

Lex: We do have a joke forum. It's called Sports Talk, just go in and mention UNC Basketball and hte jokes will come for days.

WYDD (again): No, but almost.

Lex: Of course he's a rolling stone, but there's no question there."

Mailmain: Pron is like porn, only sweeter with a little more fizz.

Lex: No. No. No. Yes. Please limit yourself to one question per post.

I love you guys, now back to the show.

[WYDD]

Biggamus Markimus,is it true that whales used to walk on land?

[lex]

wydd: i used to be in love with him. awesome movie!

[BigMark]

As a metter of fact, whales at one time DID indeed walk on the land. During my research, I stumbled across a rare picture of the missing link between the Land whales and the modern day sea mammals of which we are som familiar.

[WYDD]

Mark, why in the HELL did i order a thin crust pizza from papa johns instead of the regular hand tossed?

[BigMark]

Because you hadn't had a saltine in a while and thought one might be good with cheese and sauce on it. You were wrong, and you'll never do it again. The new shaker spices are pretty good though.

[WYDD]

Big dawg, in the song "love shack" by the b-52s, what in the hell does that chick say when the song pauses and she yells something out?

[BigMark]

Dude: "You're What?!?!?!?!?!"

Chick: "Tin Roof!!!! Rusted!!"

(Tin roof rusted is an old Southern euphimism for being pregnant)


Honestly, I didn't make that one up. That's really what she says, and that's really what it means.

[WYDD]

thanks mark, your my main man now that easy e is dead.

[BigMark]

No prob, Bob.

[WYDD]

Do gorillas masterbate?

[lex]

you never know when the spelling police is reading. :D

obtw, no offense was intended. my tenses are always screwed so feel free to correct me. ;)

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Do gorillas masterbate? Yes we do.

[WYDD]

Can ali get lice inside of his turbin?

[BigMark]

Theoretically it could happen, but what self respecting louse would be caught there?

[WYDD]

ok, hypothetical situation here. A friend of mine, we'll call him WYD....um...F, drank alot friday nite. Had a really bad hangover on sat, but promised his girlfriend he'd go shopping with her. And proceeded to vomit all in his explorer sport on the way to pick her up. Now, is he a bad boyfriend for getting drunk and having a bad hangover, thus not going shopping with his girlfriend?

[BigMark]

No, WYDF would be a bad boyfriend for driving a Explorer.

[WYDD]

well, it's actually an explorer sport. But he says that from his experience, all cars suck ass. Including chevys,fords,mitsubishis, and hondas. But, that's just what he said.

[BigMark]

Oh, it's not a Ford thing, it's an Explorer thing, but I'm sure he's still a really nice guy, and she should have been more understanding.

He would only have been a bad boyfriend if he made her ride around in the Explorer dodging puke with her feet.

[WYDD]

no, she didn't get mad at me...i mean him. She was cool with it. Plus, i...HIM...didn't wanna buy an explorer sport. He was perfectly fine with his passport, but the transmission went out with 48,000 miles and it was easier for him to buy a new car. That WYDF, he's a whacky fellow.

[BigMark]

You..er... he is better off with an Explorer SPORT than a passport, so good move.

[WYDD]

i dunno. Personally i liked the passport alot more. Except the windows kept breaking and the windshield whipers only had one speed. But, what would i know, i'm no WYDF.

[BigMark]

WYDF sounds like a pretty good guy... you should invite him to join the board.


On a personal note, it's good to be back over here. Ali's an sumbitch.

[WYDD]

damn skippy. I was gonna come to the damn softball game but fell asleep till 445. Oh well, maybe next time. Shit, i don't have anymore questions. I'll have to comeback later i guess.

[slydevl]

Why don't people like me?

[WYDD]

well sly, seeing as markus biggamus isn't here to answer your question, i'll take a stab. It's because you used the word adonnis and i don't think anybody really knows what that word means. But, mark is alot better at this stuff, hence the whole moderator thing. I'd wait on his answer because for the most part, i'm a complete idiot with a wrinkled up scrotum.

[wossa]

Originally posted by slydevl
Why don't people like me?

cause you are a goddamn dookie

[SilverSurfer]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U


cause you are a goddamn dookie

That can't be it Wossa. People like me.

But I have lots of porn and reefer.

I also know what an adonis is, being one and all, so I'll vouch for sly. :)

[mramailman]

Ohh great 8-ball... uhhh I mean Mark .... tough question here bud.... will Windylu deliver on the boy situation or will she drop a girl on me?

Also what time is it New Delhi if it's 8:22pm here?

[BigMark]

1) Sly people do like you, it's just the only one's who like you, haven't gotten to know you yet. Teh key to your popularity is your own seclusion. The only exception is the guy who rubbed up against you at first yesterday, he looked like he had a great time.

2)Ain't childbirth funny? In any other situation, you'd be praying that a girl would be dropped on you, but I guess when the girl would be your daughter, it's a different story. Sources point to male.

3)If it's 8:22 here, it's 3:45 there. Trust me on this one, them time zone things are tricky. If you don't believe me, ask Bunky, he's the REAL Dehli expert.

[mramailman]

Thanks ohh Great One.... just what I wanted to hear.

Had to edit this post... I think you mean Boo being the Deli/Dehli expert....

[BigMark]

Never question to oricle of the 8-ball (lookin head)...

I meant Bunky is the Delhi expert... He's all about the funny name and the serious sammich.

[Patti]

Originally posted by WYDD
And proceeded to vomit all in his explorer sport

I hope you are kidding on that one because I tossed my cookies un my new Jeep Liberty when it was less than a month old. Three carpet shampoos, 2 gallons of Febreeze later I can still get a whiff of it every now and then. Especially on hot days when I have had all the windows closed.

Which brings me to The Great one o Big Mark. How do you get puke smell out of your car?

[BigMark]

If it's in a Jepp Liberty, you get it out by trading that sumbitch in. Any Jeep that you can't spray out the inside with a hose, should be off the road. You might as well have an Explorer Sport. Hell, I'd RATHER you have an Explorer Sport.

The only other sane option is to remove all the upholstry in the car. I mean take it all out. Seats, carpets, headliner, EVERYTHING. Get some of that nice Herculiner paint on bed liner stuff and paint the whole interior with it. Then get some of those groovin little neoprene seat covers, and take the doors off. That way, if it rains, you're set.

Oh yeah, and about 5 of those leaf air fresheners too.

[Patti]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by BigMark
[B]If it's in a Jepp Liberty, you get it out by trading that sumbitch in. Any Jeep that you can't spray out the inside with a hose, should be off the road.


I love my JEEP, and it does go "off road".

[mramailman]

Originally posted by BigMark
I meant Bunky is the Delhi expert... He's all about the funny name and the serious sammich.

I understand that and all Great One but here's why I said Boo

http://www.thisboardrocks.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3805&highlight=deli

[BigMark]

You are wise as well, oh one who delivers my taxes in due time.

Patti, the dirty part of the parking lot beside where they're doing all the construction does not constitue off road.

In all seriousness, I due repect the boys over at Mercedes for at leat attempting to make the Liberty trail-worthy. It beats other sport cutes hands down. (Just calling it a Jeep is still a bit of a stretch).

[WYDD]

Why does hideo nomo have such a wierd wind-up?

[BigMark]

He keeps thinking he hears Phil Collins singing the end of "I don't care anymore" behind him.

[WYDD]

Why is bojangles chicken so good?

[BigMark]

it's the lack of yankee influence. Remember when KFC was still Kentucky Fried Chicken??? It was good before they went an tried to cater to the Northern Agressors.

[WYDD]

why does boomhauer talk like he does?

[BigMark]

Imagine talking to Putt... Now imagine he's talking to Queen... now imagine they're talking ABOUT Farmer... you're only half way there on the redneck factor. Once you get that redneck, all you have to do is add a couple generic cans labeled just "BEER" and you've got him.

[WYDD]

If hero and jcb were to conceive a child, what would it be like?

[BigMark]

hrmmm..... ugly, a pain in the ass.... and it'd hate itself.

[wossa]

A serious question for ya.

My big dumb mutt just licked all over the clean dishes in the dishwasher.

Being the nature loving conservationist that I am I feel it is best if I just let the slobber air dry before putting them in the cupboard as opposed to wasting all that water, electricity and soap washing them again.

The question is should I tell my wife and if not should I make sure I only eat off the clean ones while letting the family share in their dogs love for them?

[BigMark]

I've always heard that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's, but I don't remember the last time I licked my balls or ate my own shit.

That being said, the wife'll just make you rewash 'em, so don't tell her. I'd suggest you eating off paper for the next week or so and let her enjoy the dishes in peace.

[WYDD]

How will the canceling of Ally McBeal affect society as we know it?

[Savio]

Have you tried using a toothbrush with your toothpaste?:D

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
How will the canceling of Ally McBeal affect society as we know it?

Jon Bon Jovi will be back on the highway with a cardboard sign. Robert Downey Junior will be clean again. Calista Flockhart will be able to eat. Most importantly, Lucy Liu will be in my bedroom.

[WYDD]

Do you smell what the rock is cookin?

[BigMark]

no, but it may be the pollin.

[WYDD]

What exactly IS that white spot in rasheed wallace's hair?

[BigMark]

You know, it was bound to happen... finally a question a cannot answer. MIT professors along with the great folks down at NASA have been investigating ever since his days with the Heels, and once a report is published, you'll see it here.

But if I had to say, I'd say it's probably the knees.

[WYDD]

If Marv Albert and Mike tyson were to get into a biting match, who would win? And why? Also, who would you have in an undercard match?

[BigMark]

Mike owuld kill him. Mike bites out of hatrid, and Marv bites out of love. Hrmmm, now that I think about it, they say love conqours all. I say Mike gets disqualified for coming up with some other way to cheat.

Undercard would have to be Roseanne verses Rosie. Two male bashing bull dykes with the same name that both look like they've had plenty of experince biting all kinds of things. I'd have Oprah as a guest referee, but I'd be afraid she'd try to take on the winner.

[WYDD]

wow mark, you're the smartest person i know. I'll quit asking questions for today. But, i'll have some more pressing issues to ask about tomorrow. Ask larry for a raise, you're doing a great job.

[WYDD]

How long does a moose carry a baby moose before delivering?

[slydevl]

What happens when an immovable object (Captain Morgan) meets and irresistable force (Slydevl)?

[BigMark]

A momma Moose carries a baby moose for 14 months. In big boy words, we call that a gestation period. Unless of course, you're talking about the Panthers... then Moose usually doesn't carry the ball at all, he has to catch it first.

Hrmmm, when Morg hits Sly??? Remember in Armaggedon when they show the projection of what the asteroid would do to the Earth? Pretty much the same thing, but sweatier.

[WYDD]

You ever thought about changing your avatar title to "walter payton wutton skeered" ?

[BigMark]

yeah, but it wutton fit. i really wanted to put Walter Payton ain't never was skeered

[slydevl]

Who would win a fist fight between two guys with no arms?

[WYDD]

Will Jose Canseco let another homerun be caused by a baseball bouncing off his head and over the fence? If yes, will he ever pitch again?

[slydevl]

What does human feces taste like?

[wossa]

probably tastes like crap.

or chicken

[BigMark]

The guy on the right.

No, and wasn't that McGwire who used to be a pitcher? Either way, he did Madonna, so he kicks ass.

Ask Fred or Builder. I imagine they have both sucked their boyfriend off after he gave em a quickie in the back door.

[WYDD]

no no no markimus maximus, jose (jose jose jossseeee) pitched for the rangers during that tumultuous season (season that the ball went off his head). Fucked up his elbow and he was out for a good while.

[WYDD]

which brings me to my next question. what would you do for a klondike bar???

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
no no no markimus maximus, jose (jose jose jossseeee) pitched for the rangers during that tumultuous season (season that the ball went off his head). Fucked up his elbow and he was out for a good while.

Good JOB!!! I was just testin you to make sure you were paying attention.

I'd go all the way to the freezer and unwrap it myself.

[WYDD]

Why hasn't britney spears called me since her and that timberlake kid broke up?

[slydevl]

Should I grow a beard long enough to make the desert fox boil with envy?

[slydevl]

What would happen if I marched to the beat of an indifferent drummer?

[WYDD]

How did mc hammer never dislocate a testicle doing all those crazy dances?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Why hasn't britney spears called me since her and that timberlake kid broke up?

I'm not sure. I'll ask her when she comes over tonight.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
Should I grow a beard long enough to make the desert fox boil with envy?

Nah, it's a pain when you get stuff caught up in it. I need to trim mine.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
What would happen if I marched to the beat of an indifferent drummer?

He'd probably stop being indifferent when you started marching all around you, get irritated, and leave.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
How did mc hammer never dislocate a testicle doing all those crazy dances?

He had a bal brace under his britches, that's why they had to be so baggy. Otherwise it would show.

[slydevl]

Perhaps I would dislocate a testicle if I marched to the beat of an indifferent drummer and tripped over my beard that was long enough to make the desert fox boil with envy.

[slydevl]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoserous?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoserous?

An elephant on viagra?

[slydevl]

The correct answer is elephino (get it? hell if I know)

Actually yours is better

[WYDD]

Does jenny still live at 867-5309.?

[slydevl]

If I took a shit under a tree in the woods and no one was around, would it smell?

[WYDD]

Ok marky mark, gotta question for ya. Sly and myself were arguing the other day. I say Slash was the reason that Guns n roses was so big, whereas Sly says that Axel Rose was the main man. So, who was it?

[meatpile]

Why is clogging the toilet with a giant crap so rewarding?

[BearBryant]

Why am I so good looking and get all the ladies?

[cltbuilder]

Originally posted by BigMark
Ask Fred or Builder. I imagine they have both sucked their boyfriend off after he gave em a quickie in the back door. :saywhat:

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Does jenny still live at 867-5309.?

Yeah, but you've got to remember to dial the area code now. 10 degit dialing is the bomb.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
If I took a shit under a tree in the woods and no one was around, would it smell?

Sly, we've all seen your ass. There is no possible way you can bare your ass ANYWHERE and there not be someone nearby. So yes, it would smell, and may God have mercy on whomever was around.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Ok marky mark, gotta question for ya. Sly and myself were arguing the other day. I say Slash was the reason that Guns n roses was so big, whereas Sly says that Axel Rose was the main man. So, who was it?

I always thought it was Slash, but recently I picked up a used copy of Slash's Snake Pit's (Slash's post GnFR band) first album and it pretty much sucked. After thinking about it, it had to have been that hotass redhead chick who was the lead singer... that chick needed implants or somethin.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by meatpile
Why is clogging the toilet with a giant crap so rewarding?

Probably because any log big enough to clog a toilet is twice as big around as you are. Good God, the pressure you were building up inside would kill a normal man. When Builder does it, he barely notices.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by BearBryant
Why am I so good looking and get all the ladies?

Ask Fred and Builder.

[cltbuilder]

I'll take that as my cue....

BearBryant wants to know what all the ladies like him...Or something like that. Well, it's not as simple as stunning good looks, or personable charm. In fact, it's nothing we can see. There are times when a person lives in a fantasy world that he/she creates to escape reality. The people that live in this world are not real. Their thoughts and ideas are as much fiction as a balanced budget in Congress. And BearBryant is a classic example of this phenomenon (It means something that happens, just in case BB didn't get it). His world has been invented within his own mind to assume that all the ladies want him. Up is down and down is up. So when the ladies tell him to piss off because they instantly recognize a needy, pathetic, drooling monster, BB understands this as a request to proceed. It's a terrible tragedy that our pharmacies can handle impotency but are unequipped to deal with men like BearBryant. Hopefully, sometime soon, chemists and psychologists will come together and end his suffering. Until then, there is no place that the women of society can hide. They must endure every ill-conceived notion of this creature.
The good news: BearBryant has a higher self esteem than most men and women eventually find this attractive and succumb to the charm of their assailant. Congratulations BearBryant. I smell a kid in your future, SOON.

[BearBryant]

hey builder..your whole point is moot because NO girl has ever told me to piss off. Don't EVER forget that.

[cltbuilder]

See....again, that whole reversed universe thing is fucking with your head man. Selective hearing and a bad attitude isn't going to get you anywhere :D

[wossa]

Originally posted by BearBryant
Why ...and get all the ladies?


B O A T

[WYDD]

who dat is?

[wossa]

T Schroll made me think of this.

Why is it so bad to open a can of worms?

[wossa]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U
T Schroll made me think of this.

Why is it so bad to open a can of worms?


ticktockticktock...

[WYDD]

markie post, what exactly does the phrase "fuck off, you dumbass, i wish you were dead" mean? :confused:

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U
T Schroll made me think of this.

Why is it so bad to open a can of worms?

Cause they're all icky and shit... and a bitch to get back in that damn can.

I'm man enough to admit I don't like bugs and snakes.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U



ticktockticktock...

Sorry, the swami had to work a little extra longer today.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
markie post, what exactly does the phrase "fuck off, you dumbass, i wish you were dead" mean? :confused:

Webster's defines "fuck off, you dumbass. I wish you were dead" as: a phrase used by someone talking to Sandman that describes his total stupidity, and expresses the general public's hope that he rolls over and dies, then rots slowly in hell.

[WYDD]

you didn't answer my first question up there. it was "who dat is?" also is it bad that someone you went to drink with last night was so drunk he accidentally pulled down a fake tree at phil and tony's and then flipped off the bar tenders? This after we dropped 400 dollars in there and had the manager buy us a round of beer before we left. (there were 6 of us by the way, two of us didn't drop 400)

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
you didn't answer my first question up there. it was "who dat is?" also is it bad that someone you went to drink with last night was so drunk he accidentally pulled down a fake tree at phil and tony's and then flipped off the bar tenders? This after we dropped 400 dollars in there and had the manager buy us a round of beer before we left. (there were 6 of us by the way, two of us didn't drop 400)

Ooops, missed your question. That's just my baby's daddy.

Is it bad you pulled down a fake tree? Nah, tree-hugging vegitarians eat fake meat all the time. On a serious note, a friend of mine was bitching about all the trees they had to cut down to build the Charlotte Coliseum, and now we wanted a new one. I didn't have the heart to tell her we put the damn thing on a trash dump and there were no trees there to begin with.

[WYDD]

this time it actually was my friend that did the funny incident. Oh well, he didn't flip off the bartender after all, it was just some guy that was staring at him after he pulled down the tree. Oh yeah, you are really the man mark, you knew the answer to the "who dat is?" question.

[BigMark]

:cool:

[WYDD]

Whatever happened to color me badd?

[BigMark]

They're sexing each other up.

Tick Tock Get Up Don't Stop

[mramailman]

Originally posted by BigMark


Webster's defines "fuck off, you dumbass. I wish you were dead" as: a phrase used by someone talking to Sandman that describes his total stupidity, and expresses the general public's hope that he rolls over and dies, then rots slowly in hell.


ROFLMAO!!!

[BigMark]

Please restate that in the form of a question.

[mramailman]

When will Sandman shut the fuck up and be normal?

[BigMark]

I imagine here in a little bit he'll straighten up like he did the other night, but it'll only last a couple of hours, then he'll be a bitch again. People lick him can act normal sometimes, but they can never BE normal.

[mramailman]

What is TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA?

And why do they spell it so fucked up?

Since this is the Q&A forum can you suggest to Sandman to shut the fuck up and be normal?

How many teeth do Bullmooses have?

[BigMark]

A terrible fear of Dolphins' QB's.

It's latin, and those crazy Latin Americans are fucked up.

I think you just did.

Even if they only have 3, that's 2 more than WYDD.

[bunkyboy]

When the sign says"Merge Ahead" is it better to go ahead and merge, or bust all the way up to the front where you must merge?

[BigMark]

Sooner is better, at least ideally, but since you can't get everyone in the world to play by the rules, in a real world environment, I say go as far as you can... but if you do that, you can't blame people when they don't let you in. I pretty much say you've gotta play it by ear.

[wossa]

sorry big boy but you blew that one.

bunky if it says merge ahead - then it means Merge AHEAD.

if they wanted you to merge right now then it would say Merge RIGHT NOW.

[BigMark]

The really important question is if you're stuck in traffic, but getting off at the next exit, when is it cool to pull into the emergency lane and go from there.....

my rule is as soon as said exit is within visual range.

[VanillaVirgin]

BigMark -- Why does Pringles put the flavor (light chips) on the outside and not underneath?

[WYDD]

Big Mark (Gastineau), what was not funny about my post that bear called "not funny" on the "where is builder?" thread?

[BearBryant]

This whole coliseum and tree thing had me thinking. How much $$ would Charlotte have saved if they built the coliseum out of thetrees they had cut down?

[slydevl]

Why aren't there any open air basketball arenas in the NBA? It would certainly add a new element to the game.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by VanillaVirgin
BigMark -- Why does Pringles put the flavor (light chips) on the outside and not underneath?

Van, they do, you've just got the damn can upside down.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Big Mark (Gastineau), what was not funny about my post that bear called "not funny" on the "where is builder?" thread?

Dude, Bear's just pissed he didn't think of it first. That was DAMN funny (and I say that as the fattest of the fat men.)

[BigMark]

Originally posted by BearBryant
This whole coliseum and tree thing had me thinking. How much $$ would Charlotte have saved if they built the coliseum out of thetrees they had cut down?

That's the crazy part. Since it was built on a landfill, they actually would have had to PLANT trees in order to have trees to cut down, thus making it more costly (yet ironically easier to move to say, New Orleans) had they made it out of logs.

[cltbuilder]

Originally posted by BigMark


Dude, Bear's just pissed he didn't think of it first. That was DAMN funny (and I say that as the fattest of the fat men.)


I was almost rolling on the floor. Good one WYYDDDDDD.

:D :D :D

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
Why aren't there any open air basketball arenas in the NBA? It would certainly add a new element to the game.

Because somewhere a long time ago, the sports gods (not to be confused with the Beerbarians) deemed basketball a summer sport. But then, we decided here in the greatest nation in the world, that winter sports suck, so we needed to throw a summer one in the winter. Hence the roof.

But Sly, you're right, I bet Shaq would suck in the snow.

[cltbuilder]

Is it possible to pop microwave popcorn without a microwave?

(I tried this in R&R and no one could see me through....)

[BigMark]

Sure, take it down (or up, in your case) to McDowell Power Plant and pop it in for a few seconds... don't worry, the green glow in your stool won't be from your date the night before, it's just the popcorn.

[WYDD]

Who killed jfk? (and sly's ass wasn't big enough back then to do it)

[BigMark]

I'm feeling a Bull Durham quote coming back on:

Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days

[cltbuilder]

:crybaby: I am so moved. :crybaby:

[BigMark]

Speaking of you CLT, and Kevin Costner baseball movies, I just thought of what needs to be your new sig.

"If you Builder, you will cum"

You can have that one for free.

[cltbuilder]

Thanks BM...I think I might owe you a beer. :beer:

[VanillaVirgin]

Blood circulates around your body. Down your arm to your fingers then back up again.

My question is this. What happens when you cut off someone's arm at the elbow? Why doesn't the blood just pool up until it bust open the wound again? How does it get back up the arm?


Thanks in advance.

[Savio]

Well V V,

To add on,

How come when we're upside down, we say blood rushes to our head? And when we stand up, blood doesn't rush to our feet?:rolleyes:

[BearBryant]

I have learned more in this thread than my 8 years of college.

[WYDD]

I heard once that if you sneeze with your eyes open, that your eyeballs will popout. Any truth to that rumor?

[Savio]

Originally posted by BearBryant
I have learned more in this thread than my 8 years of college.

You must have enjoyed that senior discount on tuition...:rolleyes:

[BigMark]

Originally posted by VanillaVirgin
Blood circulates around your body. Down your arm to your fingers then back up again.

My question is this. What happens when you cut off someone's arm at the elbow? Why doesn't the blood just pool up until it bust open the wound again? How does it get back up the arm?


Thanks in advance.

You're a sick puppy. See what it is is.. when you cut eht arm off, you also cut off the veins. since you've got two open ends to the veins, it just kinda pools up in the arm around the bone and stuff, until it works its way back up the other vein.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Savio
Well V V,

To add on,

How come when we're upside down, we say blood rushes to our head? And when we stand up, blood doesn't rush to our feet?:rolleyes:

Nothing rushes to your feet dude... you need to wash them puppies.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
I heard once that if you sneeze with your eyes open, that your eyeballs will popout. Any truth to that rumor?

That's suck if you got boogers on the back of your eyeballs. I don't think that'd happen.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Savio


You must have enjoyed that senior discount on tuition...:rolleyes:

The discount is HUGE now that they don't have to pay to go to bowl games.

[slydevl]

A passenger train leaves Kennebunkport Maine heading east at 30 miles per hour. Should I bother switching from ESPN to CNN and if so, what time should I do so?

[WYDD]

that's not funny sly. My mother's best friend's cousin's dog's former owner's brother in law knew somebody who used to date the 3rd cousin of the best friend's sister of the engineer who was on one of those derailed trains. So piss off.

[BearBryant]

How many hits will I get a our softball game on Sunday and what will be the final score?

[WYDD]

How many emu's does it take to change a lightbulb?

[cltbuilder]

Originally posted by slydevl
A passenger train leaves Kennebunkport Maine heading east at 30 miles per hour. Should I bother switching from ESPN to CNN and if so, what time should I do so?


:rofl:

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
A passenger train leaves Kennebunkport Maine heading east at 30 miles per hour. Should I bother switching from ESPN to CNN and if so, what time should I do so?

3

I mean 3:00

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
that's not funny sly. My mother's best friend's cousin's dog's former owner's brother in law knew somebody who used to date the 3rd cousin of the best friend's sister of the engineer who was on one of those derailed trains. So piss off.


Her 3 rd cousin?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by BearBryant
How many hits will I get a our softball game on Sunday and what will be the final score?

This is getting a little out of hand, I can't predict the future or talk to the dead. That being said, you'll go ohfer but walk twice.. we win 24-21 on a last minute Cuda hat trick.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
How many emu's does it take to change a lightbulb?

Third time's the charm....

3

[cltbuilder]

BigMark: HELP!

Shaving (http://www.thisboardrocks.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=5127)

[BigMark]

OK, here's the deal

1- use the Mack 3, and shaving creme. I use good old fashioned barbasol.

2- Be man enough to be a woman about it. I do it sitting in the bathtub. get your head good and wet and put all kinds of cream on it.

3- Start in the middle, go from your forehead straight back until you start going back down the back. Use the front to back stroke from temple to temple.

4- around the sides use up strokes all the way around. Use a left to right stroke across the bump on the back of your skull.

Do all that and you're good to go.

Don't worry, you'll get better at it and the it'll stop bleeding soon enough (bet that's not the first time some guy has told you that).

I don't use aftershave or anything like that. Be tough.

[cltbuilder]

Originally posted by BigMark
Don't worry, you'll get better at it and the it'll stop bleeding soon enough (bet that's not the first time some guy has told you that).

Well considering my first real time experience with a MAN, I was pretty much raped, I've heard that. But he was right, and now I can't get enough of it. Will I find myself wanting to shave it in the middle of the day like I often find my self wanting.....You know, THAT? (Hey, it's a justifiable question. The man is here to help us.)

And furthermore....Can you tell me where I left my car keys? I gotta go to work in the morning.

[BigMark]

Yes, you'll scratch your head in the middle of the day, feel a patch of stubble and it'll bug the hell out of you until you can shave it.

You dropped your keys in the vegitable crisper in the fridge when you were getting your zucchini out.

[cltbuilder]

Originally posted by BigMark
You dropped your keys in the vegitable crisper in the fridge when you were getting your zucchini out.

Goddam, You're Good! And I'm betting you've heard a woman or two say that before.

[BigMark]

Yeah, I hear it all the time... one of these days one will be talking to me when she says it.

[WYDD]

So, what's the deal with goldberg?

[slydevl]

What is the record air speed velocity of an unladen kitten launched from a catapult? (I need to know so that I can break the record with my new energy efficient catapult and aerodynamically bred kitten)

[WYDD]

did you shave all of it's body hair sly?

[BearBryant]

how do you build a flux capaciter?

[The Masked Marauder]

BigMark, why do people in different parts of the country speak differently? I mean, who invented accents?

[slydevl]

Originally posted by WYDD
did you shave all of it's body hair sly?

This cat was bred to be aerodynamic. It has no hair. Or tail for that matter.

[The Masked Marauder]

One more BigMark... how can I tell when I've run out of invisible ink? Thanks.

[slydevl]

Originally posted by The Masked Marauder
I mean, who invented accents?

I'll field this for you Oh Big One

Probably that pud yanker McPherson.

[wossa]

why is sly such a peckerhead?

[slydevl]

How many times has Wossa sucked off Matt D?

[wossa]

As soon as I get his dick outta my mouth i'll let you know

[slydevl]

I knew it :D

[The Masked Marauder]

Originally posted by slydevl
How many times has Wossa sucked off Matt D?


I think you need to clarify your question for BigMark, Sly. Do you mean since he's been head coach or are you going all the way back to his playing days? :p

[cltbuilder]

Dear BigMark,

Recently, it has come to my attention that a large number of our male population is obsessing about dick and dick sucking. I'm not one to brag, but I've had my share of them and when you've seen one, you want another. So why is it that these otherwise normal, heterosexual men would be so interested in each others' private regions? It makes me think that maybe I am straight after all.

Confused and idsoreintde in Charlotte.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
So, what's the deal with goldberg?

After being the first player cut by the Carolina Panthers, he went on to a lucrative carreer with WCW. WCW in all their wisdom, signed him to a fat 10 year contract then went on to close up shop 4 years later. Lucky Oldburg just gets to sit around and collect cash for the next 6 years.

And he keeps trying to steal my look.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
What is the record air speed velocity of an unladen kitten launched from a catapult? (I need to know so that I can break the record with my new energy efficient catapult and aerodynamically bred kitten)

Not nearly fast enough. 127 mph, but the most important part is when they go 127-0 against a bick wall.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by BearBryant
how do you build a flux capaciter?

It's not that I don't know, of course I know. But due to the ethical questions time travel brings up, I simply can't share that information. I will tell you that I've developed a flux capaciter that functions on a mere 3.2 Gigawatts as opposed to Doc Brown's 9.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by The Masked Marauder
BigMark, why do people in different parts of the country speak differently? I mean, who invented accents?

If everyone talked the same, it would take us a few milliseconds longer to identify stupid yankees. Remember the whole "Here's your sign" thing? Same idea, the quicker we can realize we're talking to a yankee, the quicker we won't expect anything from them.

Who invented them? Thomas Edison.

And by the way, Jesus talks just like Jerry Fallwell.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by The Masked Marauder
One more BigMark... how can I tell when I've run out of invisible ink? Thanks.

You're typing on a computer. I know the guy at the computer store sold you $500 of invisible ink for the monitor (hey, I use that trick all the time too), but he was just ripping you off. There is no ink involved with a computer.

What you really need to look out for is the little "e" in the upper right hand corner of your screen. If ever it looks like it's spinning - especially if you're going from one web page to another - it means your computer is worthless. The only thing you can do is throw it out and come buy a new one from me. We have them for $529. Call me.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U
why is sly such a peckerhead?

It's a graduation requirement at Duke.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
How many times has Wossa sucked off Matt D?

A whole lot. It's a graduation requirement at UNC.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by cltbuilder
Dear BigMark,

Recently, it has come to my attention that a large number of our male population is obsessing about dick and dick sucking. I'm not one to brag, but I've had my share of them and when you've seen one, you want another. So why is it that these otherwise normal, heterosexual men would be so interested in each others' private regions? It makes me think that maybe I am straight after all.

Confused and idsoreintde in Charlotte.

They're just jealous of your teddy bear...










...and my private region.

[wossa]

BIG MARK!

Can you tell me one thing?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U
BIG MARK!

Can you tell me one thing?

You can always tell a natural redhead...
...but you can't tell her much.

[wossa]

What the HELLS going on?

[wossa]

sigh

[BigMark]

Originally posted by Wossamotta U
What the HELLS going on?

You've just found the fonts and colors function. You'll get tired of it soon enough.

[cltbuilder]

BigMark:

Is there really a Santa Claus?

[BigMark]

Yeah, he was on the NBC special tonight with the Hill Street Blues crowd.

My first job was Santa at the Signal Hill Mall my sophomore year of HS.

[The Masked Marauder]

Originally posted by BigMark


You're typing on a computer. I know the guy at the computer store sold you $500 of invisible ink for the monitor (hey, I use that trick all the time too), but he was just ripping you off. There is no ink involved with a computer.

What you really need to look out for is the little "e" in the upper right hand corner of your screen. If ever it looks like it's spinning - especially if you're going from one web page to another - it means your computer is worthless. The only thing you can do is throw it out and come buy a new one from me. We have them for $529. Call me.


BigMark, you are truly wise. Thank you for pointing out my gullability. I never knew. Please give me your number, since I obvisously need a new computer. Thanks again for your help. MM

[WYDD]

Big Mac, why don't you buy the hornets and keep them fools in town? I kinda like Baron davis, he's a balla.

[slydevl]

How do I keep my ballsack from twisting up like on of those balloon animals when I walk?

[BearBryant]

why does sly hit a softball like a girl?

[slydevl]

Originally posted by BearBryant
why does sly hit a softball like a girl?

That is not true at all. I have never hit a girl and I am certainly not pretending the softball is a girl when I hit it.

[WYDD]

Did you ever see the Chris Farley show?? You remember the time he had paul mccartney on it??

[slydevl]

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuckrichey?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by The Masked Marauder



BigMark, you are truly wise. Thank you for pointing out my gullability. I never knew. Please give me your number, since I obvisously need a new computer. Thanks again for your help. MM

704.827.8782

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Big Mac, why don't you buy the hornets and keep them fools in town? I kinda like Baron davis, he's a balla.

Two reasons:

1) I've never partucularly liked the HO-rnets, but I do kinda hate to see them leave.

2) You'd be shocked to find out that being the all knowing Q&S Mod doesn't pay nearly as well as you would think. I could quite possibly buy a Hornet jersey, maybe even a Baron Davis Rookie Card, but that would be about it.

He's a balla indeed.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
How do I keep my ballsack from twisting up like on of those balloon animals when I walk?

Boxer briefs.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by BearBryant
why does sly hit a softball like a girl?

He doesn't want Builder to get a crush on him.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Did you ever see the Chris Farley show?? You remember the time he had paul mccartney on it??

yeah, that was funny. hey, remember when he said remember when you were a beatle? yeah. that was cool. STUPID! DAMN! I'M SO STUPID!!

[BigMark]

probably just an inch or two.

[BearBryant]

Can you teach Slydevl how to hit a softball?

[BigMark]

Um, I struck out looking. you don't want me as a hitting coach.

[BearBryant]

so did Sly..

[WYDD]

Whatever happened to spuds mckenzie?

[slydevl]

I just had a post disappear from this thread. What happened to it?

[slydevl]

Nevermind.....

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Which way should I go and will it make a difference?

[WYDD]

why the hell can't slydevl spell the damn word devil right?? How stupid do you have to be to get into duke?

[BearBryant]

how can I be so skinny and live so fat?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Whatever happened to spuds mckenzie?

After the whole Alex from Stroh's/Tone Loc/Funky Cold Medina incident, Bud Light voided his contract. He's now living in a half-way kennel in San Bernandino.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
I just had a post disappear from this thread. What happened to it?

I think Morehand ate it.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by slydevl
Nevermind.....

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Which way should I go and will it make a difference?

Actually, Frost spends the first half of the poem talking about how the two roads were identical. Only in hindsight was the road he chose less traveled. He's not really the nonconformist he's claiming to be, he just projects that image falsly on his past.

So basically, it doesn't matter which you choose, you'll end up wherever you were meant to go regardless.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
why the hell can't slydevl spell the damn word devil right?? How stupid do you have to be to get into duke?

It's not that he can't spell it correctly, it's an artistic thing. Like Instead of Crispy Cream, it's Krispy Kreme.

And you don't have to be stupid to get into Duke, you just have to be ugly.

[BigMark]

Originally posted by BearBryant
how can I be so skinny and live so fat?

easy, you puke up the good things every night.

[Fred]

Hey this thread is cool. I can't believe I have missed out. oh, oh, oh, can I play now? Ok- here goes:

Dear Mark,
How come mens pee-pee's don't get as hard or stay hard as long when they get older? You find a nice guy in his 40's that has a brain and he can't get it up or keep it up long enough to make me happy. Then you find a 19yo that puts the word "uh" or "like" in every sentence at least twice and his pee pee stays hard as Chinese arithmatic. I usually end up having to beg for mercy and if he was good, hobble for a week. Is there no happy medium? Please help.
Beggin' in Buncombe

[BigMark]

See, it like, uh old guys are lazy and just sit around a eat bad food and drink sissy drinks and are ugly, so they can't get any. Young guys eat better, drink only the finest Bud Light, and screw like bunnies all the time... you don't use it, you loose it. Like you know?

[WYDD]

Is it normal for my penis to fall off while in the shower?? Also, why do i get a hard on every damn time it rains?

[BigMark]

Originally posted by WYDD
Is it normal for my penis to fall off while in the shower?? Also, why do i get a hard on every damn time it rains?

No.

You're eating too much Miracle-Gro.

[BearBryant]

Do you think it would be cool if we started calling WYDD P WYDDy?

[BigMark]

Sure, B-Bry, whatever you think.

[WYDD]

Have you ever tried to eat the food and drink forum?

[BigMark]

Yes, I had a bit with some fava beans and a nice chianti. fthfthfthfth

[slydevl]

I have a large penis. Not a question. Just a statement.

[slydevl]

Do you read these answers off cue cards, like Alec Trebek?

[WYDD]

Do you think forrest gump ever boned anybody after jenny died?